well there you have it

Weeks and weeks have slipped by without a blog and without my really taking in how much time has been passing into the nether. Yet things have been brewing. Summer has been playing at fall for weeks now, and I have spent most of the rainy days in bed reading, sleeping, and trying not the throw up. The cat is finally completely out of the bag, so without further adieu I’m here to tell you at long last that the reason I’ve been absent and feeling like shit is that I am pregnant. Baby gorilla here we come.

Being pregnant is, in my short 29 years, the weirdest experience I’ve ever had. And while I lay around trying to ignore the nausea, my body is building a human. What the fuck!? And I don’t even have to lift a finger, which is, of course, a relief. I may have managed to re-build this trailer, but I don’t think I could have ever managed something as complicated as a nervous system. And yet, without even knowing it, I am. Fucking crazy. This is something I would very seriously file under “real magic.”

Meanwhile my body is in total hormonal shock, and I have incredibly horrible morning sickness, or more accurately, all-day-long sickness. I have also developed a Grenouille-esque sense of smell, which also makes me throw up. Things that just smelled mildly unpleasant before now smell so horrible that they trigger the repeat viewing of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Oh, and so does too much time between meals; excessive movement; getting up quickly in the morning; riding in buses, trains, or cars; and brushing my teeth. Eating has become a chore, and I can no longer stand the taste of eggs. It’s a bit like, after having spent over a quarter century fine tuning the maintenance of this bag of flesh and bones and feeling like I had finally figured out what worked, suddenly waking up in an alien vessel in which I am now expected to continue to live as if very little had changed.

Other mothers have promised me that there is a time later in pregnancy when I will feel better than I ever have in my life. I hope they are right and that that time is just around the corner. I’ve tried every remedy there is, but nothing has changed the situation. Except perhaps, the passing of time, and possibly the B-vitamin cocktail that my doctor recommended. Of course most of the time I throw up the vitamins and who knows if it is really them that has bought me a few more nausea-free hours a day for the past week or the fact that this shit is supposed to end with the end of the first trimester. That is to say, if I turn out to be textbook, at the end of the week. Please cross all your fingers and toes that it’s true.

So I ask for your patience if in the next couple of weeks posts continue to be sparse. When I feel like emotional shit, my creative drive excelerates. When I feel like shit physically, it comes to a screeching halt. Add to that the fact that my home internet is still broken (meaning I have to leave the house to go online, something I haven’t been doing much lately in light of the pukiness), and I feel like I have to win a triathalon in order to get a few meager words to you. Which should all be changing in the near future. At the very least, I can finally tell you the stories from the Black Diamond tour, which wouldn’t have had much to do with the actual experience if I’d had to leave out the fact that I spent all the time between our shows throwing up and/or trying to sleep in the van.

And, as one reader-friend pointed out when she heard: while this probably means that I’ll be rambling about child-related things a bit more frequently–like how at your first preggo doctor’s appointment they give you a “present” which is just a big plastic sack full of advertisements, assholes–I will also have quite a few things to scavenge, build (we’re already looking for a smallish Bauwagen for the Peanut, as I have been referring to the babe since seeing it’s kidney bean/peanut form on the ultrasound a few weeks ago), and tell you about. New projects abound. Talley-ho.

0 Comments on “well there you have it

  1. Sounds like you’ve started the mother of all projects! Congrats! *The all day sickness will pass soon.

  2. You know something completely unrelated that I just thought of? We’re bringing an author in the spring who wrote a book called “for Cod and Country”. Maybe he uses “cod” as well.

  3. Oh My! Congratulations!
    Sorry about the nasty symptoms. Think of it as payment for the magic that your body is working for you.
    I wish you all the best.

  4. Congratulations! Hope you feel better soon. And I am looking forward to any child related rambling. 🙂 I can promise you this ‘present’ is not the last of advertisements you have seen, there are lots and lots of freebees/presents/garbage to come! 😀

  5. Wow…. building a belly human is such a mysterious process, I don’t wonder your body is freaking out. But you will build it nonetheless, and I hope it comes out perfect.

  6. FUCK ME! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Brilliant news 🙂 I try not to think too much about hosting another human being, which may or may not happen at some point in the near or far future. I have a friend whose just had a shocking first three months as well and I really feel for you, sounds hideous. Hope you’re feeling fresh as a proverbial flower very soon. Gosh, a mini gorilla. Brill!

  7. Congrats! And, honestly, I am verrrrrrrrrrrrry excited to see how your fit your little one into your lives! 🙂 🙂

  8. congratulations!

    ahh the memories of nonstop nausea, I remember eating a lovely dinner only to find a hair on my empty plate, deep breathing did not keep my dinner from coming up, talk about “hair trigger”, ha ha now, then I was close to tears

    on the plus side, other than getting a lovely little human, is that one’s hair does get thick & luscious, good time for a portrait

  9. Tess: Ugh, I feel you there. Just the littlest weird thing on my plate or smelled during a meal or even talked about, and I’m done for. It’s making me really good on sending my mind off somewhere else when something icky pops up. Seems like a good thing to practice for the pain of contractions later.

    Frau Dietz: Heh. You enthusiasm had me chuckling.

    And thanks to everyone again for all the well wishes. The puking is starting to abate slightly! YYihaw!!!

  10. Hey!!!! That’s great news! Congratulations! I love your line about building a human. Amazing. And sorry I’m so late. 🙂

  11. I’m really enjoying your pregnancy posts. I like your approach and the fact that as a first-timer your not sucked into feeling like you need a million things. Even though I am an avid consumer, second time round I bought pretty much nothing and felt stupid about a lot of the things I had got the first time. We used the National Childbirth Trust ( a british charity) sales to buy a lot of Orla’s things – but even still, I am glad I borrowed a moses basket from a friend, because neither of my two would sleep in it, and I’d been told it was an essential- ha! (Mind you look at me now, still got a 3 year old in my bed, so maybe I should have persevered instead of co-sleeping!) Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy, I hope you’re enjoying it!

    • Thanks Fiona! What is a moses basket anyway? It is hard not to over buy for the kidlets isn’t it? I mean, yeah, I’m buying all the clothes at the fleamarket, but sometimes I notice myself starting to get a little out of hand because those tiny little hats and socks and clothes and just so fucking cute. Haha.

      And oooh you’re co-sleeping?! We’re planning on doing that. Well now I know who to ask about stuff if we end up having problems. All I can say is that I already love co-sleeping, without the kid even being here yet, because it inspired up to rebuild our bed in HUGE and IT IS AMAZING. Ahhh, yes.

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