travel advisory warning

Dimensional portals that have not been brought up to code are reported to have started opening and closing unexpectedly in Dresden, Germany. Several late-night train lines are connecting to stops listed only on maps in The History of Tlön and, if not regarded with extreme caution, may leave passengers hanging from the spire of the Church of Our Lady or in the frozen wastelands of the planet Radon.

Dimensionally unstable trains can be identified by their numbers—fractions instead of whole numbers—and their passengers—suspected to include disgruntled giants, phosphorescent old women, rabid giraffes, and mutant dough-faced twins.

A clear explanation for this phenomenon has not been forthcoming, though experts suspect a shift in the Hawthorne-Abendsen ratio. Discovered by Juliana Frink in 1962, the Hawthorne-Abendsen ratio is the force that maintains the delicate balance between objective and subjective reality.

A curfew has been put into effect, and the Ministry for the Maintenance of Normality is doing everything in it’s power to bring all malfunctioning dimensional portals up to code. Until that time, please board all trains with extreme caution. If you find yourself on what you expect might be a dimensionally unstable train, panic immediately, throw yourself to the ground, and pray for deliverance.

0 Comments on “travel advisory warning

  1. How very cosmopolitan for Germany to admit the malfunctioning of its portals. My sister and I, coming back from some seedy (wonderful) bar in soho stumbled right onto a subway platform which, in hind sight, occupied a dimension other than the crazy 3rd one we were used to. Frightening female creatures armed with enough weaponry to put any medieval knight to shame caressed our hair, shoulders and other body parts while we sat frozen in fear. Why we hadn’t noticed anyone else on that platform at 2:00 am in the morning escaped our inebriated minds. Thankfully we weren’t whisked away to their world although I will admit my mind started to slip into the first stage of a self induced delirium. Needless to say, we avoided the subway in the wee hours after that episode, realizing that whoever was supposed to be manning the gates, purposely strode from his/her station so that the creatures of the other lands may come into our world and play.

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