It is probably a symptom of the onset of dementia. I mean, grad school? Expensiveness? Schoolness? Constant deadlines for writing things no one will pay me for that I have no say in? Have I repressed the fact that at the end of my BA degree I was so burnt out that I was fantasizing about becoming a peanut farmer in South America?
But the thought comes. And goes. And comes. And then comes back again. I mean, wouldn’t it be sweet to be something like the leading academic geek on something like gender representations in sci fi or anarchism in fiction? Wouldn’t it be the coolest thing ever to get a call from Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy to be one of the consulting geeks on their oh-so-delicious podcast? Yes. Oh my god yes.
You spend an hour talking to your friend who goes to conferences to present on the Mormon implications in Twilight, and you think, yeah, I could spend my life getting paid to talk about this sort of thing. Maybe not the Mormon implications in Twilight, but you know, my version of that. Post-apocalyptic fiction and the modern Zeitgeist. Female representations in science fiction and fantasy. Etc.
There are many parts of academia that I really love, and the reason I burnt out at the end of college was my insistence on taking too many credits while simultaneously trying to write a thesis. I was all “oh shit it’s going to end so I better take ALL the classes.” It was a bad idea. Oh well.
So, recently, I found myself contemplating it rather seriously. Grad school! I love reading and writing, so actually, as long as I am not over-committing myself, school is something that I really enjoy. The thought of getting to sit in a room with up to 30 other people who are also deeply committed to reading and writing, with big sexy brains…oi! I don’t have a lot of writers in my life at the moment, or even people who I can discuss books with, at least not in person, and I miss it. And did you know that Kansus U has a whole center for studying science fiction? And that the University of California Riverside has a fucking amazing science fiction library, among other amazing things (like having Nalo Hopkinson on staff)? Or that there used to be a Science Fiction Studies MA program at a university in Liverpool?
But then I think about the realities. 1. I would have to move to Kansas. Umm, what? I don’t even want to move back to America, let alone Kansas. Sheesh. California might be better, but I’ve never even been there, so. 2. I would have to convince the Beard to want to move to Kansas. Ha. 3. It would cost a fuck ton of money. I don’t have or want to become indebted for a fuck ton of money. Been there, done that. Never again, unless a large piece of beautiful land is involved, and probably not even then. 4. As far as jobs go, it might get me a job teaching (which I have often hated in the past) something I love (that part could be good). It could be good for networking, but really, let’s be honest. I already have a job I love, doing exactly what I want to be doing. Grad school isn’t going to help that. Fuck, I’d have to quit said awesome job to even be able to go. So not only would I be financially screwed forever, I probably wouldn’t even have a bigger better job to show for it afterwards.
Never mind, random grad school dreams. And for the geeky grad school itch that reason can’t scratch, there’s always Mythgard.
Has grad school played a role in your life? Was going awesome? Was not going awesome? Do you occasionally suffer from grad school fantasies yourself?