i’ve got nothing but time

Time, right? It’s fucking crazy. Speeding up and slowing down on a whim (and never when it is particulary convenient). Since I never do this sort of shit at the actual new year, I’ll say it now: *cue slowing swelling orchestral soundtrack* in the past year I have learned to really appreciate time.  Cod, imagine if your job paid you in time instead of money!?  Now there’s a science fiction story waiting to be written.  Forget I said that writers looking for ideas to steal.  We never had this conversation.  Ehem.

But, time!  I used to be all “I’m going to sit here in the sun all frickin afternoon long even though I have things, really interesting and productive and useful things, that I could be doing.  Nope, I’m just going to have another cup of cofee. Mmmmmm.”  Now I’m all “What’s that you say?  Ten minutes to myself?  Let me go finish another short story!”

Thinking about this whole strange situation yesterday, I realized I don’t want any more time than I have right now.  Scarcity has made my time worth more.  I get shit done.  I get writing done.  I am more likely to actually start and finish a book now than I ever was.  Isn’t that fucking crazy?  I think its fucking crazy.  Maybe there really is something to the idea of getting to life your life backwards, getting to learn all the hard lessons, and then enjoy your youth with adult perspective.  (Or would youth no longer be possible to enjoy with that perspective?)

We are a trying out a one-morning-a-week day care situation with Baby Pickles.  If it works I will have four hours every week that I am, damn it, going to spend writing.  The settling in process hasn’t been the funnest, especially when I drop her off and, upon realizing that I’m leaving her there, she looks at me with the most seethingly angry look of betrayal I have ever had pointed in my direction.  But then she gets over it and has fun (allegedly), and the group serves double duty: we get one free morning a week, and she gets exposure to a bunch of other English speakers.  (Right now German is winning the language race.)

What’s going on with you?

0 Comments on “i’ve got nothing but time

  1. I sometimes suffer from “naptime anxiety” where I’m like “oh shit, I need to get some stuff done and then relax during this 1 hr. 20 minutes!”… the free time isn’t even entirely mine, because I have to be quiet and it’s on the clock… still, I need this time… I’ve said before, the day Jane quits napping is the day I get a job.

    But, time in general… so strange… all the people I know having 2nd babies now are growing up so fast. And we went to Nathan’s mom’s (Oma – have I told you we are very German? His parents lived in Heidelberg during Vietnam and we later honeymooned there…) 66th birthday. They have been married 45 years. 45 as an age still seems so old to me. Just turning 31 has made me feel so old… not in a bad way, but there is a certain heaviness. I went out in a different part of town the other night and marveled at these beautiful people wearing strange clothes. Made me realize I am now “older” , ha.

  2. FVM: Haha, I know what you mean. Sometimes I get so excited by the freetime that I create these impossible lists of things to do that I then ecstatically rush around trying to complete. No relaxation there. Def noticing being older now too. Not quite so fashionable. Not quite so skinny. Not quite such smooth skin. Glasses. Kid-shaped life. Joy in going to bed early. Heh.

  3. Hope that daycare thing works out, because you’ve got yourself a fantastic science fiction book to write! Can’t wait to read it! 😉

    I’m sure it’s a whole new ball game when you’ve got kids. That’s something that worries me about becoming a mother one day. I need some alone time to really feel myself. I guess that when you get the time, when the babe’s sleeping or something, you really cherish it even more.

  4. I don’t know about sci fi stories but there was a movie about people who got paid in time? In fact it was called In Time. Which wasn’t horrible. Kind of an interesting question to explore.

  5. Sarah: Thanks! I have the same need for alone time. Basically that part of you just goes on hold for a while. A few weeks ago I spent my first night alone in a year and a half. Imagine that?!

    fishinthewater: Will have to check that out.

  6. The “paid in time” concept was made into a movie a few years ago. In Time, written and directed by Andrew Niccol.

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