whine whine whine, weaning is fucking hard and i miss cofffee

Dear cod has this been a bad time to give up coffee.  (Is there ever a good time to give up coffee?  No.)  Not that I had a choice.  Acid reflux forced my hand.  Bah!  Bah I say!

Meanwhile, back in the Wagen…Pickles sucks at sleep.  I mean, she always has.  As a very little Little she couldn’t sleep without being held.  You wanted to put her down?!  Ha!  Go ahead.  Put her down.  If you want her to wake up instantly and berate you with cries and probably start sucking on you again.

She has always slept decently nights, but I can only call it decently because we co-sleep, because I barely had to wake up to get her what she wanted (boob).  I still don’t understand why anyone would choose to put their kid in a separate room to sleep, a place they have to actually move their bodies to get to when the baby inevitably wakes up in the wee hours.  No, no, NO.  I can handle being woken up briefly in the night, several times, for two years straight.  I’ve passed that test.  I can’t handle being woken up and asked to get out of bed.  Fuck that.

And now here we are, in weaning land.  Two of my closest parent friends, whose kids aren’t much older than Pickles, got tired of nursing and night weaned back in the day.  They both reported four or five hellish nights.  But their kids have slept through the night ever since.  Sounds annoying, but doable.  Sounds like fucking heaven, actually.

I decided to wean because I had developed a pretty harsh nursing aversion.  I could cuddle Pickles all she wanted, but as soon as she started nursing I felt horrible–trapped and chlostrophobic and irritated and annoyed.  I particularly hated the nights, how she would fall asleep nursing, but wake up as soon as I pried her mouth off of me, forcing me to start the process from the beginning, and how I would be stuck laying in bed while the Beard skipped around the Wagen doing whatever the fuck he wanted.  (Yes, when trapped on a bed by a nursing baby, even seeing someone sweeping the floor can cause jealousy.)  It was obviously time.  Though we had planned to wean when I went to England for four days at the end of the month, I decided to start while the Beard was away for five days.  Get that shit over with.  Give her time to adjust before our epic journey to the U.S.ofA.

The first three nights were stressful, but not nearly as bad as I had imagined.  On the fourth night she slept through the night.  On the fifth night, the Beard came home, and she didn’t repeat the performance.  Now she just wakes up two or three times a night screaming and rolling and gnashing her teeth.  We’re fifteen fucking days in.  She slept through the night again on day nine (once again when the Beard was away), and otherwise: welcome to hell.

The only way to get her back to sleep is to give her milk (which I generally refuse because the fucking point of this exercise is getting her used to NOT eating during the night) or to play First Aid Kit’s album The Big Black and the Blue on my phone, loud.  The first is like shooting myself in the foot, and the second doesn’t help any of the rest of us get to sleep any faster.  And if you want to know how to make yourself hate an album you previously enjoyed, this is the way to do it, tell you what.  Oh and sometimes she just wakes up at 5 am and can’t get back to sleep.  Because it isn’t depressing enough that it doesn’t get light here this time of year until almost 8 o’clock.

And oh, do people have advice!  So much advice!  If I have to listen to another person talk about how “they couldn’t survive” if their kid didn’t go to bed at 7 pm!  Listen, I’ve tried it.  In our house, a 7 pm bedtime means a 4 am wake up time.  Pick your poison, because it’s all going to suck.  Everyone has a theory about how to get Pickles to sleep.  The problem is that kids aren’t Kids, they are just people, individuals, as weird and random as the rest of us.  There are about ten trillion things we could try, but the truth is we’ll have probably just bludgened each other to death before we get around to trying everything that is supposed solve our problems.  Blah blah blah, complain complain complain, my life is so hard, who cares, there are people being imprisoned for life for crimes they didn’t committ so shut the fuck up Stewart.

Did I mention I built Pickles her own bed?  *Laughs maniacally.*  I’m going to be finishing it tomorrow.  (Then, pictures!  It looks like a treehouse!  It is so fucking awesome holy shit.)  Putting her in there is the next experiment.  Pray we live long enough to find out if it works.

 

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Wednesday October 16th 2013, 10:22 am 8 Comments
Filed under: conspiracies,daily life,gorilla parent (year two)

8 Comments so far. Please leave a comment.

Ouch! I am sorry it is so hard for you right now – I can’t imagine being woken up every night and not complaining about it. I love my sleep! (No kids here…) Hope the cool bed helps!

Comment by Fine 10.16.13 @ 11:12 am

I don’t even have advice for coffee withdrawal…

Comment by fishinthewater 10.16.13 @ 1:59 pm

Fine: Thanks for the well wishes! It can only get better, really. I hope. A lot.

Fishie: The coffee withdraw is long over. Only lasted one day. But the exhaustion presses on.

Comment by nikki / click clack gorilla 10.16.13 @ 6:08 pm

Yep. Yep yep yep.

Nookie still nurses at least ten times a day at age 3. But she does (finally) sleep through the night now. But only because we let her sleep when she likes and just live with the inconvenience. It means she doesn’t usually go to sleep until 1am. It’s not worth fighting against it! Ha ha.

I understand the nursing aversion. I still get it now and again. Especially on a rough day where I get sick of hearing “I want ook!!!” screamed at me over and over. The more so as most of my friends have weaned now and I get incredulous that she still wants to nurse so often. It’s tough.

I don’t have any advice. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. :)

Comment by Radical Ramblings 10.16.13 @ 8:41 pm

Ha, there are always people who will have some worse situation in life, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be allowed to bitch a little. Sleep deprivation sucks.

I think we went through about the same thing at that age, the nursing to sleep that wasn’t quite working anymore. We started explaining that we were going to put her in bed and just hold her hand, which (after the initial phase) has worked very well and even graduated to letting us leave the room with the door open while she’s still awake sometimes. Freedom!

Comment by Frugal Vegan Mom 10.17.13 @ 5:47 am

I still don’t understand why anyone would choose to put their kid in a separate room to sleep, a place they have to actually move their bodies to get to when the baby inevitably wakes up in the wee hours. No, no, NO. I can handle being woken up briefly in the night, several times, for two years straight. I’ve passed that test. I can’t handle being woken up and asked to get out of bed. Fuck that.

My sentiments exactly!!!

I managed to nurse, night and day, up until my son was ready to quit, but he wasn’t as annoying about it as Pickles. Sounds horrible!! When my son stopped nursing, he did have a transitional period when he needed something else for physical comfort, so he wanted to lie on my tummy. He was a bit too heavy for that to be comfortable. Luckily, he accepted my allowing it for a few minutes and then telling him it was time to lie next to me instead.

Comment by 'Becca 10.17.13 @ 9:08 pm

RR: Whenever I feel like Pickles is going to bed late, I think of you, and think, it could always be later! And, we can handle anything that gets thrown at us! When does she get up in the morning then? I’m amazed you manage to continue nursing through the aversion. I couldn’t anymore, not if I wanted a good relationship with her at all.

FVM: Oh how I long for that day! And it can’t be THAT far off. Can it? CAN IT?!?!? :)

‘Becca: She falls asleep on my stomach sometimes too. But it doesn’t bother me. I find it quite nice and cuddley really. But she never stays there for long, which makes it tolerable probably.

Comment by nikki/clickclackgorilla 10.21.13 @ 4:47 pm

Ha ha. Well that’s why I cope – she usually gets up around 10am. She gets about 9 hours sleep, I get about 7… (As she nurses for around an hour in the morning before properly waking up). Those hours work for me, it just makes attending groups and suchlike difficult unless they start in the afternoon. It’s more my own incredulity that she goes to bed so late that’s hard to deal with. :)

Like most things it’s not worth fighting against it. Sometimes it’s tough but I know if I tried to wean it would be so stressful for the whole family… I’d rather than grin and bear it. I usually choose to just go with her for an easy life. Ha ha. And remember it’ll pass eventually. :)

I hope things are getting easier for you guys now. And I hope you have fun in Brighton!

Comment by Radical Ramblings 10.21.13 @ 7:20 pm




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