gorilla mama: when your partner is off on tour with the band you’re not in together aka project meltdown

Eight days.  It doesn’t sound like a long time, and it didn’t sound like a long time when, while still pregnant, the Beard asked me how I felt about him going on tour with one of his bands for eight days when Pickles was about three months old.  “Fine!” I said.  “Shouldn’t be a problem.  I mean, who knows, but why not?” Ha!  Hahahahahahahaha!  Yeah right.

Now I know that five days is my approximate limit for single parentdom of a three-month-old baby.  On day five I have nothing left, so when Pickles chooses day five for an hour-long screaming marathon, I am this close to completely losing my shit.  But it is a perfect example of the “it takes a villiage” principle.  Instead of starting to scream at the top of my lungs and flail around on the bed myself, I took Pickles over to my neighbor’s Wagen where two of my friends were relaxing.  They hadn’t been with a baby non-stop for the past five days or just spent an entire day counting the minutes until Saturday.  They had patience for some screaming.  They were well-rested and had done many things involving two hands throughout the day.  I passed off Pickles and went back to my Wagen, where I finally did throw myself on the bed to squeeze out a few tears and talk to the Beard on the telephone.

It only strengthened my resolve to give all single parents total ultimate hero status.  Seriously, how do you people do it??!?!  You are amazing, and I bow down in humble awe of your abilities.  Where do you find the patience?  How do you deal with the fact that after an impossible day, you still don’t get a break and have to get up again the next day and keep going?  Have you even brushed your teeth in, like, years?  May the universe shower you with wealth and attrative, loving partners, and rainbows and kittens and eternal happiness.

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Thursday May 17th 2012, 12:11 pm 9 Comments
Filed under: conspiracies,daily life,gorilla parent (year one)

9 Comments so far. Please leave a comment.

As a former single parent, I’d like to thank you for the attractive kittens and affectionate rainbows and such.

As for the screaming fit – believe me, it gets better! A lot better. And before you can say “Why did I ever get preg…”, the kid is about seventeen and pestering you about her driving lessons. Time passes so, so quickly. Enjoy your baby, she’ll be an obnoxious teenager soon! :-)

All the best to you!

Comment by Susann 05.17.12 @ 12:39 pm

Aww hun. It’s so difficult isn’t it. I remember those early months well. They were some of the hardest weeks and months of my life.
Hang in there, and remember it’ll all pass soon enough and things will get so much easier. X

Comment by Radical Ramblings 05.17.12 @ 1:26 pm

I had my first kid (now 17!!) while my husband was away on deployment. You are really in the thick of it!! It DOES get easier. Kudos to you for leaning on your neighbors a bit and giving yourself the room to cry it out a bit yourself. I’ve always thought of motherhood as a lot like when you get the oxygen lecture before an airplane flight…’put your own mask on first, then assist those seated near you’. Keep on keepin’ on and remember to take care of you!! (ps. Just got the radical homemaker book at the library!! it -and you!- Rock!!!

Comment by Amy Bogard 05.17.12 @ 1:51 pm

Wow, yeah, I know most moms count the minutes just until their partner gets home at the end of the day. 5 days is loooong. Cheers to your sanity for 3 more, you can do it, and then will have bragging rights!

Comment by Frugal Vegan Mom 05.17.12 @ 3:28 pm

I join you right there in the state of complete awe induced by every single parent I’ve ever met or heard of.

They are kind of superheroes, aren’t they?

Comment by Julia 05.17.12 @ 5:35 pm

I, too, have been in awe of single parents! It sure does get easier, but I felt like the moment my kid could scoot across the floor and pull absolutely everything off the bookshelves an equally difficult phase to cope with! Good for you for asking for help before losing it completely. I think one of the hardest lessons I have learned through motherhood is to ask for help. Luckily, after 3 kids, I have nooo problem asking anymore.

Comment by Dome Farm 05.17.12 @ 6:47 pm

Ah yes, the early months. They are hard. I think it’s great that you have people around to help out a little bit. I too think single mothers are pretty awesome. I don’t think I could have managed on my own especially living no where near any family, and I know I had lots of days just watching the clock, wishing S would miraculously leave work early. But yes, it will pass quicker than you can imagine!

Comment by fiona 05.17.12 @ 8:48 pm

It get’s better! Really. I know it doesn’t seem like it now. The first few months are super hard because you are tired all the time. Once pickles is sleeping more consistently at night (which means you are too), you’ll feel much better. I also think 4 years is the magic number because everything gets easier then. They can dress themselves and get into car seats and communicate more. Then you enjoy them until they turn about 15…ha, ha. Then you worry every moment of every day about them…again. So for now I feel your pain. My advice…nap when pickles naps and rely on your friends as much as you can. You will all be happier for it. AND know that there is no super mommy…we’ve all shed tons of tears!

Comment by katieskisses 05.20.12 @ 12:14 am

At the risk of getting royally reamed here, I will pass on the trick I (a single mom) was told about by my doctor: drink a very small glass of red wine when you think you’re going to lose it. It will calm you, and thanks to breastfeeding, will calm her in two hours or so. I only did it once but it seems to be the trick many single moms ready to lose their shit are given and it works.

Comment by c 05.31.12 @ 11:39 pm




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