all hail ye, mighty eyjafjallajokull

I’m sure I’m not the first to tell you: for the last week Eyjafjallajokull the Friendly Icelandic Volcano has been spewing 14-kilometer columns of ash into the air. The ash created clouds that in turn smoked all of Europe’s airplanes right out of the sky.

The skies were blue, not tic-tac-toed with plane-exhaust lines, they were empty, and they were quiet. And I secretly wished it would go on forever, despite the fun and exciting plans it would displace, wished that it would smoke on and on and on until the entire airline industry went out of business.

Imagine wars with no bomber planes! Imagine the skies with no jumbo jets! Imagine all the communities surrounding airports that would finally have peace and quiet! Imagine the reduction in CO2 emissions! Imagine taking three-week-long boat trips in order to get to other continents!

Instead, the flying bans were lifted yesterday and the sky is once again streaked with puffy white lines. I was disappointed. This probably makes me some sort of Luddite.

Then a delightfully apocalyptic article on a website called The Times Online bolstered my end-time reverie with the headline “This is just the beginning, warn scientists.”

Apparently Eyjafjallajokull has a history of, once it gets started spewing smoke, doing so intermittently for several years afterward. Not to mention the way the eruptions have upset the neighboring volcano Katla.

Katla’s eruptions, according to the article, have “a far greater potential for disrupting travel and the climate.” Maybe there is still some small chance that the airplane industry will go down in a ball of volcanic flame, making the whole transition period that will come after the inevitable oil crash that much easier.

So if you live near Eyjafjallajokull, please keep an eye on the local virgin maidens. We can’t afford to have somebody pacifying the mountain with a sacrifice just when nature is so close to accomplishing what decades of activism have failed to achieve.

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Thursday April 22nd 2010, 10:18 pm 9 Comments
Filed under: apocalypse now,conspiracies

9 Comments so far. Please leave a comment.

I just imagined someone replying to this post with something like: “Imagine millions unemployed! Imagine economic chaos! Imagine depression!” To which I might reply that you can’t make an omlette without breaking a few eggs, we’re starving, and our eggs have been poisoned.

Comment by clickclackgorilla 04.22.10 @ 10:37 pm

And then the industry can reuse all their planes to make cabins of plastic-bottle-pontooned boats like this one: http://www.inhabitat.com/2010/02/12/the-5-gyres-project-searches-the-oceans-for-new-garbage-patches/

Two birds with one stone! Reuse the plastic and airplanes that can’t be recycled anyway, AND reintroduce long-distance water travel.

Comment by Jill 04.22.10 @ 11:35 pm

But yes, that would be a hell of a lot of eggs to break. I picture the sudden unemployment of those millions as similar to the sudden release of institutionalized mental patients into the streets of New York City…where will they all go? Who will house them? Who will feed them?

I would agree with you that a return to simpler times and a loosening of our shackles to capitalism would be a welcome change, but it truly cannot happen overnight. It’s like binding a child’s feet from birth and then deciding, once she’s an adult, to unbind her and set her free. Our society (and now I’m thinking of the US in particular) would fall flat on its face if we took away the quality and method of life to which it has grown accustomed, and it would take generations for it to recover.

Comment by Jill 04.22.10 @ 11:45 pm

Sounds like some possibilities here!

Comment by Anita Blair 04.22.10 @ 11:48 pm

Serious like.

I was thinking the same thing… and also getting irritated because they kept being like, but what about all this air pollution? Is this going to change the climate? And I want to scream back, NOT AS MUCH AS ALL YOUR STUPID POLLUTING PLANES, DUMBASS.

Comment by fishinthewater 04.23.10 @ 2:38 pm

Jill: That’s exactly why I think one industry crashing at a time might be better. If all the industries crashed at once, there would be really crazy mass death and confusion and pain and starvation. If one crashes every few years we’ll be able to figure shit out in a way that will make that number of suffering much less I think.

Anita: :)

fishinthewater: heh. yup.

Comment by clickclackgorilla 04.23.10 @ 4:40 pm

crazy mass death and confusion and pain and starvation here = less of all those things somewhere else, in most cases. it’s sad…but it’s ALL sad inside civilization (and outside too, while it’s still here). i say crash upon crash upon crash upon crash, please! but who ever listens to me? (volcanoes?)

Comment by melee 04.25.10 @ 5:06 am

oh, good idea – i should listen to godspeed you black emperor for the first time in so freaking long (thank you for the reference in your “filed under” tag).

ah, and did you see: http://www.1119732.net ???

Comment by melee 04.25.10 @ 5:20 am

dear volcano,
keep up the good work.
love,
click clack gorilla

Comment by clickclackgorilla 04.25.10 @ 10:07 pm




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