Monthly archives: May 2009

black thumb, green thumb, dumpster thumb

Until very recently I suffered from a condition known as “black thumb,” which is the exact opposite of the condition known as having a “green thumb.” Page of poor lighting, queen of sporadic watering, keeper of the graveyard of greens! My sincerest apologies to every house plant that has ever had the displeasure of living with me.
But for the frustrated wearers of the dreaded black thumb, I have made an important discovery–all hope is not lost–there is a remedy! First you’ll need to quit your job. That way, it may actually occur to you over your [...]

mayan pride, united fruit

Two packs of “Mayan Pride” snow peas from Guatemala (a Styrofoam bed wrapped in clear plastic). Three packages of cut parsely from Holland (each bunch of three stems in a sealed plastic bag). Peaches from Spain (nestled in a topless plastic box and wrapped in a plastic net bag).
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’d like to present exhibit A: the inventory of a Friday night dumpster run. Humble but telling evidence of western civilization’s obscene culture of excess, sealed in hygienic plastic and flown to Germany for your convenience.
Peaches in Germany in May? Dutch parsley? [...]

come not between the nazgul and the photocopier

So last night I go to the copy shop down the street to make a few Click Clack Gorilla’s to bring along to the Lee Hollis reading we were planning on going to later that night. The shop is self-service, but the Copy Man was impatient, wanted to look through all my papers, didn’t want to let me touch the machines. “I’d rather do it myself,” I told him. “No no. These are my machines. I know them better than you do. Trust me, trust me,” he repeated over and over, until I finally [...]

green vaginas

A few months ago I posted a few guest peices from an old zine project by Tara Stewart (of George Goes Green (in)fame, seamstress, writer, seventh rider of the apocalypse, if you recall). Recently she got a little beaurocratic slap on the wrist (and a request to remove the offending blog entirely) from her boss for posting the text of her annual lecture “Green Vaginas”–about lady parts and periods and the environment–which I am posting here sans pc-beaurocrat-fence-sitter sterilization.
By way of introduction, a few words from Tara on what was allegedly wrong with the peice to begin with…
“So, I’ve [...]