yours for the apocalypse

The war has started. On the way to the supermarket, a firing-squad worth of shots ringing through the air, then, laughter. New Year’s Eve on our doorstep, and not a teenager without a handful of explosives. Last year, I spent New Year’s Eve right in the heart of the battle. A night of poker and […]

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’twas the night before christmas

And all through the house, people were cooking knödel and seitan and vegan cookies and decorating the tree with emtpy beer cans and I’d be willing to bet that there is at least one mouse stirring, somewhere in the joker’s head statue above the entrance where they’ve made their scratchy, squeaky nest, and dreaming of […]

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doctor sweet and mr. appletree

There was only one Saturday English class I ever taught where my student was more hungover than I was. Meet Mr. Appletree. Mr. Appletree loves accounting, his Cambodian mail-order bride, and their son, and he’s writing a science fiction novel about dragons. He has pale, pinkish skin, and I can always hear him coming a […]

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may you and your children be mauled to death by rabid wolves

Ninety-three pages. The baby I spent hours preening over, cooing over, editing and rewriting and rearranging until I got it just right. Retyping it from a print out after the first Seagate hard drive in my Apple laptop crashed. Fussing over ever word, like a parent over an infant, every sentence a finger nail, a […]

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there was an old woman who lived in a shoe

I don’t know how to start the story because I’m not sure where it starts or where it ends. In media res: Me, right now, sitting in the vegan kitchen, next to the crackling wood stove. Two days ago Workshop fired up the circle saw, and we sliced up all the junk wood we found […]

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fuck off azi punks

Tuesday Scissors and I biked into the city. Tuesdays mean farmers’ markets, and farmers’ markets mean free food: fruit and vegetables too ugly too sell, leftovers we’d usually need to climb and dig to get to. Backpacks full of apples, cauliflower, fennel, and salad, we locked up our bikes and took a walk through the […]

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salt, snow tires, terry prachett

Terry Prachett is a god damn genius, and all this time I had no idea. All those years I spent working at Waldenbooks—shunning his books because they were filed among so much other trashy fantasy and Star Wars/Trek fan fiction—when I could have been reading about Discworld and marveling at Prachett’s never-ending supply of wit. […]

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fancy red wine, fake plastic breast

Hitch hiking is fueled by coincidence. Thousands of random details from a few unrelated lives and one person, trying to get from one city to another, who connects them, ride for ride, into one trip. The old man on his way to get his shattered windshield fixed, only at that rest stop because of a […]

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hot off the press

Holy shit holy shit holy shit! My zine is finished. It’s a collection of click clack gorilla stories. And did I mention it’s finished? If you want a copy we’ll either need to figure out a way for you to get me a euro fifty, or what we could trade. It’s 20 pages, black and […]

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happy walrus day!

Today is Walrus Day. (Oh Happy Day!) Walrus Day is a holiday invented by a friend of a friend. And it’s purpose? On Walrus Day you do exactly what it is you’ve been wanting to do the whole year but haven’t gotten around to. Call in sick and lay in bed reading all day! Learn […]

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